Emptiness

Blerg. Blergy blerg blerg.
OK so you know how when its time for exams and projects how you organize your time? Or is that just me? I have a mere seven days until my one and only exam and 2 days until my last final project is due aaaand I am so behind! Not because I'm lazy (OK well Sunday/ Monday I was) but because I hurt my back yesterday. Its been happening for a while, I have my theories... like the possibility of it being my desk chair, and to my younger brothers disgust possibly my breast have grown... (yeah sharing info with strangers!) maybe it has to do with how I pack my knapsack... I honestly have no idea. Especially since I don't do any physical activity (I know its bad, but I HATED Gym as a child, and so if I do work out it needs to be fun or else I won't do it, and I haven't found something that's fun) which could also be the issue. Anyways I was hoping that by the end of today I would've studied 6/11 chapters and as of right now I've studied a lovely 1 3/4. Que music.
Also I have yet to totally start my final project because I'm playing email tag with my professor about my designs. I would've already started the printing process (we're making what I can only describe as stamps, but better.) because I finalized my designs on Thursday buuuut my teacher hated them! Like he didn't say it, but I saw it in his face. A face of total disgust. Ugh. And then I went back to my better idea but he hated that as well, OK well in all fairness I couldn't tell cause I couldn't see his face... but his email wasn't positive either. I asked my two friends in that class what they thought, and they told me it seemed like he liked it but it definitely had negative tones to it. UGH! I dunno with this teacher, if your style isn't his style its wrong.
Anyways because the only comfortable place I can sit at is on my couch homework was impossible. Oh the joys of going to art school. Oh and my studying isn't helped by the fact that the night before is the first night of Passover, which means I loose my night to study.
Sooo the debate last night, I do have to admit I watched the first 30 minuets... kinda... I was playing solitaire on my computer... and then it was dinner and then we watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. So yeah... I did tape the debate how ever, so I may watch it at a later time. I dunno I found I lost more respect for all of them rather then gaining any, cause they were all so ruthless and mean. I guess that's that nature of a debate, but I think someone could've been more... classy about it then the others. Any who I'll probably vote Liberal cause well I know for sure that Conservative isn't my road, at ALL. I find the NDP kinda annoying... I dunno I find them to be too, hmm. Just annoying. And any other party would be a waste of my vote. But not just that, Liberal Politics is the way I think. I took the CBC vote test and it kinda assured me that Liberal is my way to go. Not that it wasn't something I didn't know for a while. But I believe in a lot of their policies, especially the help for Seniors, Students and payment for those who take off work to help with an ill relative. All of which I want for my future (minus the student bit, I would appreciate that now!)
Ok so what else.
Oh Saturday April 16th marks a year since my grand mother's passing. I can't believe its been a year! The first year is the toughest, because its the first year. Its the first Holiday with out her, the first Shule visit with out her, the first time neither grandparent is alive for their anniversary, the first Birthday she didn't live to see, the first Birthday with out her, graduating with out her, starting uni with out her, and so this Passover will be the first with out her. Even though she wasn't physically there last year as her health deteriorated too much for her to leave her bed, we knew she was at least still alive. I remember that day perfectly and I will for the rest of my life, I had the best field trip of my life that rainy day, it was so much fun and so relaxing! I then went to see our school's play which in it had an old lady that reminded me of my grandmother, and that character died at the end of the play. I then went over to my friends house which was also a lot of fun. I was home my 11:15, at 11:30 we got a call saying that my grandmother was nearing her end and it could be any day now, 11:45 another call saying she pasted. My brother was sleeping, my mom and dad were in their room I was on my computer already in my pajamas when my mom knocked on my door. She went to the seniors home my grand mother was at, and I stood at the top of the stairs just crying. I got the feeling I got when my grand father died, this weird emptiness, in my stomach. It feels like someone hollowed out your insides and just left air. I all at once become so aware that I'm alive and working, yet someone I loved and admired isn't. Easily one of the worst days of my life. But I got through it, I watched Ellen, and Glee, and I listened to the Lion King, and Rent, and Spring Awakening, and Natasha Bedingfield all of which I payed attention to the message cause I found them to help.
OK so don't want to completely depress you guys sooooo my summer what am I looking forward that I will no longer have to do from the rest of the year? I think its all been said really, not having homework, not having to put on numerous layers before leaving the house, not wishing I was reading a novel rather then a stupid textbook, not wishing to write a story rather then a stupid essay, and not wishing I could play the incredibly addictive Sims instead of homework. Oh and most importantly not having to wake up at 6 am for an 8:30am class! In July/August I will need to wake up earlier then I have been for camp, but it still beats having to wake up at 6 am!!!!
Ok that's it. I needs to study-udie!
OH P.S. I JUST REALIZED ITS LESS THEN 100 DAYS UNTIL THE MOVIE FINALLY OF OUR GENERATION!!!!! WE CURRENTLY SIT AT 93 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!
Bye
Miah