Future

Ach Evie, I told you already, but that song made me cry! Which is something I've become as of late, really emotional. Like little things make me cry all the time, but I guess in this circumstance its normal. As you've probably already guessed I've been thinking a lot about life and the future, like I've been promising myself things to do this time next year, but at the same time to make plans right now its a day by day thing. My whole outlook on life has completely changed. Like I'm regretting now not learning how to drive at 16, because now my insurance will probably be through the roof when I do get my license. Basically I've been spending my whole life thinking I have forever to do something, but now I'm realizing I actually don't. Like traveling the world, seeing shows in theatre, reaching my dreams. It all needs to be done as soon as possible. I've even been thinking about the possibility of my having my own biological children. They say that my eggs will be so destroyed by the chemo that it may not be possible, but I've told my self adoption is fine. I've even been thinking about my future husband, can you imagine the intro conversation. "Hey I'm Miah, I had cancer when I was 19, oh and I can't have kids cause of it."
Anyways my future is what I'm scared of loosing. Not the battle, not the chemo, not the radiation, or uch the needles, but how my life will be different. How I won't have a normal life after any of this. But at least I'll have a life, and live until its my time to go, when I'm old and grey and wrinkly. But at the same time, my future will be a blessing. I already know my wedding will be the biggest and bestest party out of all of my cousins, the birth of my children will be the greatest miracles ever. Even my upcoming 20th birthday (my champagne birthday non the less) will be huge. So that's what I'm fighting for, my future. Because I am in no way ready to go, I've got my future to live for.
Which brings me to my Friday question, whats something in your future you can't wait for? I won't suggest anything cause I don't want to tarnish your idea. Just whats something you really want to happen?
OK. I need to sleep.
Night!
Miah